What are our emotional needs?
If you want to plant some tomatos, what do you need? Tomato seeds, of course.
You sow the tomato seeds on a good fertile soil. Provide adequate water and sunshine. You may need periodical dose of fertilizer to further nourish the plant. Wait until it bears fruits. Thus it requires patience. Oh yes! pull out the weeds or unwanted greens which fights for the nourishment in the soil!
So , it is crystal clear that if we provide all the right stuff for the tomato plants, we will have a good chance of a good harvest.
The similarly principle applies to human being. What does a child needs?
According to Abraham Maslow, the physical needs include shelter, protection from physical harm, food and drinks. How about emotional or psychological needs?
From my experience, after interviewing and counselled many individuals, I am absolutely certain and convinced that we need unconditional love and security, unconditional acceptance and personal significance/recognition. In summary, all of us need S.A.S. : S ( security ).A ( Acceptance).S (Significance )
When we feel insecure or lacking of unconditional love, unconditional acceptance or personal significance, we may suffer from anxiety, fears, depression, despair, low self esteem or feelings of inferiority , excessive anger or blame , guilt , bitterness or suicidal tendencies.
The next questions is how do we experience S.A.S. ? or how do we fill up our emotional tank?
For those who are fortunate, they could rely on their family members to care for these vital needs. Some find them in meaningful relationships such as friendships, marriage life or family life. Some may find the need to express compassion to others according to their spiritual belief. Some may find comfort in God’s love. And many more.
It is a personal journey that we need to undertake on our own. That is the reason why the late Dr. M. Scott Peck called the personal journey “the road less travelled”
Here is my favourite article by Dorothy Law Nolte
Bullying : Killing the Human Spirit
Bullying : Killing the Human Spirit
The effects of bullying on a young child could be potentially devastating to the emotional self.
I have seen terrible effects of bullying on many of my patients which persisted up to their adulthood. Hence, I firmly believe that young children need to be allowed to express their feelings of being bullied and be guided on how to assert themselves against the bully and be empowered to protect their self esteem and dignity.
Child bully must be taken seriously!
Children who were bullied often suffers from a condition called Learn Helplessness. This term was coin by famous psychologist called Martin Seligman. The child would feel trapped in a cycle of being bullied and feeling powerless and subsequently suffers further bullying by the assailant. Sometimes the child would become a bully themselves as a defence mechanism.
The first step is to allow the child to have a safe place to express his/her experiences of being bullied or abused. Do not be judgmental . Try to empathize.
The child need to be educated about his/her rights for self protection and dignity. Skills such as assertive and communication skills are of great importance. Help the child to speak up. If the bully is resistant to warning, then higher authorities need to be alerted. If necessary, police may need to be involved if there are elements of criminal intimidation or assault.
The child need to be taught and empowered to be a SURVIVOR and NOT a victim.
Walking and Mental Health – TIME magazine
click on the picture to view the whole section.
Elyn Saks (The Fight against Stigma of Mental Disorder)
Elyn Saks ( The Fight against Stigma of Mental Disorder )
Ted Talk by Elyn Saks, Professor of Law from USA. She is sharing about her struggles and victories in her journey as someone who has mental disorder called Schizophrenia.
People who suffer from mental disorder deserve respect and dignity. Let us continue the fight against discrimination and stigma towards those who are suffering from any type of mental disorder.
Among the common mental disorder includes Anxiety disorder , Depressive disorder , suicidality , Bipolar disorder and Schizophrenia.
“Any other organ in my body can get broken and there’s no shame, no stigma to it. My liver stops working, my heart stops working, my lungs stop working. There’s no shame when any other organ in your body fails, so why do we feel shame if our brain is broken?”
Quote by Rick Warren ( His son died from suicide due to mental disorder )
Principle of Pleasures : Part 2
Principle : All pleasures is bought with the price of pain.
We pay the price either before we enjoy it or after we enjoyed the pleasure.
For good healthy pleasures, we pay the price before we enjoy it. The price of self discipline and self control. And a strong will to focus on what truly matters. Later, we are able to enjoy true peace in our minds and our hearts. Some could find peaceful solitude. Others may enjoy true happiness with people who matters in their life.
As for false pleasure, we enjoy the pleasures first and later ask ourselves “ What have I done?”. We pay the price of pain later. The price of painful regrets.
Excerpt from seminar by Dr. Ravi Zacharias
