The Parent-Teenager bonding Window
Dear concerned Parents,
In the course of my work, I have frequently observes this phenomena called the “The Parent-Teenager bonding Window”.
This Window represents a limited period of time for us as parents to bond and connect with our preteens or teenager emotionally. This means to be able to have a close relationship with them.
Why is this window so important?
Because once the window of trust has closed, it is very hard to reopen it. It may have been shut by years of misunderstanding, hurts, emotional pain and perceived rejection . Then they may begin to open their window to the outside world.
Let me ask , which child or teenager do not wish to have a loving relationship with their Dad or Mum? I believe that most teenagers have a strong longing for these. But do we as parents done enough to build this connection?
The good news is that we as parents can learn to be more aware of the needs for this strong emotional bonding with our teenagers. With this loving relationship in place , it is much easier to guide our young with loving discipline.
Here is a great book to help us as parents to understand the needs of our teenagers by author Gary Chapman.
Keep it up, All the Daddies and Mummies, trust me, your investment of love, time and effort in your teenager is worth it!
Emotional garden
Our hearts and emotional well being is like a garden.
We need to nurture and care for our “emotional garden”.
It is important to spend time watering our garden, allowing appropriate sunshine, pruning the unhealthy branches and adding fertilizers to it. We also need to pull the weeds and remove the pests that may harm the plants. Sometimes, we may wish to consult a “guru” or a mentor to guide us to enhance our gardening skills. With time, patience and effort, our garden will surely flourishes into a healthy and beautiful garden.
Unfortunately, many of us are not aware of the needs of our emotional garden.
This is simply because this garden is not clearly visible or tangible . If we have a cut on our body or sprain our ankle, we may see a visible wound or swelling, but if our emotions are traumatized and hurting, others may not see it or acknowledge it. Perhaps some of us may choose to mask our emotional wounds or pretend that I am ok because of our perception that nobody really cares about me.
If we neglect, deny, or ignore the needs of our emotional garden, weeds or “lalang” will grow and our garden will suffers and will not bloom well.
Our emotional garden may be invaded by “weeds” such as uncontrollable anger, bottled up frustrations, vengeful feelings, resentment, bitterness, unforgiveness, hatred, unhappiness, depression, suicide, excessive fears and anxiety, distrust, addiction problems and impulsive behaviours.
However, If we seek to nurture our emotional garden with good ingredients such as healthy relationships, hugs from someone who cares, unconditional love, time to heal, self-awareness, self-control, self-acceptance, good sleep, sound guidance from a mentor, social support, spiritual help, etc , we will reap the colourful flowers of happiness, peace, love, joy, gratefulness, contentment, kindness, hopefulness and meaning of life.
So I encourage you (including myself) to care for your emotional garden with tenderness, love and care each day.
Support for the depressed and suicidal
The LAH support
Sometimes we may encounter situations where someone shares with us about feeling “hopeless” or ” there is no meaning in life”. In situation like this, we are in a better position to assist when we are equipped with some simple listening and enquiry skills.
I am sharing a simple technique called the “LAH” support” which is a simple step by step method to approach someone who is depressed or suicidal. This technique was created by a psychiatrist in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, Professor Dr. T. Maniam.
Click here for The LAH Support
Mental (Psychological) health and happiness
Here are some interesting data on mental health and its relationship with well being and happiness.
Source : World Happiness report 2013
1) *Mental Health or Psychological well being is the single most important determinant of happiness.
2) Happy people live longer, are more productive, earn more and are better citizens
2) Published research from Psychological Bulletin (2005) found a strong connection between emotional well-being and success.
3) According to American Psychological Association,(2012), Mindfulness( Focus on the present )
4) A Sociological report ( 2010 ) found that positive social relationship influence health behaviour and lead to better physical health, mental health and overall well-being.
5) Malaysia is the world’s 56th happiest country.
Fond memories
The late actor Robin Williams has a very special place in my heart. It was a role which he has acted in a movie called “ Patch Adams” in 1998.
In that movie, which was based on a real life story, he took on the role of a medical student who was passionate about being a doctor. He believed that doctors should focus more on treating the person besides treating the disease. In other words, the focus of patient care is the process of understanding the patient as a whole and how he or she has been affected by the illness ; in all aspects of a personhood, be it physical, psychological (intellectual and emotional), social and spiritual.
My heart was filled with sadness when I heard of Mr. Robin Williams death. The world has lost a truly talented and gifted soul.
Let us mourn and grief over our loss.
And let us cherish the fond memories that remains in our heart.
