Before we resume the marriage series, let’s look at a very important aspect of human relationship. It is the willingness and ability to listen, understand, empathize and validate the experiences of the speaker. Doing this in an open minded, non-judgemental, non-critical, loving and respectful manner.

When we negate, minimize, invalidated, dismissed or brushed aside the experiences of another person and instead try to control, brainwash or distort the reality of the speaker, then it is called Gaslighting.

The term Gaslighting was used when there is a story of a couple who were in the living hall of their home and during the olden days, used gaslight for their source of light when there is no electricity. So at one point, the husband began dimming the light gradually. So his wife asked ” why is the light getting more and more dim? It’s getting really dark, i am feeling afraid”. Her husband angrily said in a defensive manner, ” something is really wrong with you, I didn’t dim the light, it is normal and there is no big deal here”. Hence the person who Gaslight distort the reality experienced by another person and make the partner really confused and affected by self doubt and unsure of the accuracy of their beliefs and feelings.

People who uses gaslighting tend to be called Emotionally immature people ( named by Dr. Lindsay Gibson ). One of the example of Emotionally Immature people are those with Narcissistic tendencies.

Here it is, a vital sharing by Dr Henry Cloud, a distinguished Clinical Psychologist.