Rules of Pleasure
Let’s take a short break from sharing about healthy marriage and relationships.
In fact, Rule No. 1 for all relationship is To Do No Harm.
So i am reposting a series of 2 articles in 2015 on Rules for pleasure.
Let’s assume that I need to put up a few nights in a hotel within a city, away from my home, to attend a conference. I may wish to explore the city and have a little drink. I may even feel tempted to visit the red-light district with a few friends.
During these period, I need to be mindful of my boundaries/limits. I need to know that certain activities may be pleasurable but it may hurts the feelings of my partner.
Well, there are indeed guiding principles on experiencing pleasures in life. So check this out.
Frank W. Boreham, a preacher and writer described three rules for experiencing pleasures.
Rule No. 1 : Whatever that refreshes us but does not compromise our final goal/purpose in life is a legitimate pleasure.
Simple pleasures which help us to relax and gives us joy are legitimate needs. However, it should not compromise our value system or lead us away from our desired purpose in life.
So what’s the catch here? We need to discover “What is our final goal or purpose in life?”
Rule No. 2 : Any pleasure that jeopardize the sacred rights of another person is an illegitimate pleasure.
We need to experience pleasures within the boundaries of mutual respect and observing the dignity of our loved ones as well as our fellow human beings.
Rule No. 3 : Experience pleasures in moderate amounts and do not indulge.
We need to enjoy pleasures in reasonable and moderate degree and amount to avoid indulgence or addiction.
Pleasures without conscience are illegitimate pleasures
Mahatma Gandhi
After “I do” Part 2. Creating Healthy Marriage requires efforts and hard work!
Here is the second part of the Focus on the Family Marriage Malaysia, marriage campaign clip. Enjoy this great production.
My next posts will be series of clear strategies to sustain a marriage.
First two years of marriage…
In the next 2-3 months, I will be posting educational videos by Focus on the Family Malaysia regarding marriage.
Sustaining a Marital Relationship is hard work. It is more than feelings.
Dr James Dobson, PhD, clinical psychologist said that sustaining a marriage requires a strong and firm commitment regardless of our feelings. Both need to be committed and have the humility to work out the differences and issues. Good and healthy communication tools is the key.
In situation where there is emotional abuse or neglect, then professional help should be explored.
A broken windscreen or a Broken heart?
Wishing everyone a Meaningful 2024 !
Here is a my little true story in 2019.
February 2019,
On a Sunday, i was about to go cycling with my son. As i carry my son’s bicycle, in a rush manner, i accidentally broke my car’s windscreen. Ooucchh! My heart grieves a little as it was a 6 months old car. After some background check, i found out that i need to spend certain amount of money to get the windscreen fixed.
( Can you see the crack at the windscreen ? )
Later i realized that the amount ( about RM1000+ ) to replace my windscreen is my “fees” for the following life lessons :
Lesson No: 1.
Do not rush, in whatever you do.
Lesson No: 2.
Everyone make mistakes. Which human being does not make mistakes?
Lesson No: 3.
Do not be harsh with those who make mistakes.
If it was someone else who broke the windscreen, i might have lost my cool and scolded the person or gets really upset and stressed. Not surprisingly, I was not too angry with myself. Of course, i regretted that I was careless and rushing but I quickly forgave myself.
The valuable lessons I learned is that I shall not be too upset when other people make mistakes too! Most mistakes are unintentional and everyone should be given a second or third chance, etc. We should try and learn to forgive one another.
Lesson No: 4.
It is better to break my car windscreen than to break the heart of people whom we love!
I can spend some money to replace the broken windscreen although it will hurt my bank account. However, i will NEVER be able to fix a broken heart of a human soul which will be psychologically / emotionally / mentally traumatized for a long long time or probable irreversible emotional trauma.
So, always be Wise and Thoughtful. Knowing What to say, and How to say it, are both equally important.
I think this windscreen replacement fees is well spent after all.
So, whenever someone broke or spill something, I would say to them ” okay, it is nothing compare to me breaking my windscreen!!
Vincent
15 minutes to love
A video production by Focus on the Family Malaysia ( https://family.org.my/ )